How Do You Decide When You Reach Crossroads?
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Monday, January 31, 2005
How Do You Decide When You Reach Crossroads?
Everything Is Going Against You
Have you ever had one of those times in your life when you feel like everything is going against you? I'm particularly feeling that way at this moment. Not in my personal life but in work. I have come to the point where I've reached a crossroad. I have to make two choices which I frankly believe none will be in my favour. I am afraid to come up with a decision that will hurt a lot of people, hurt myself and worse damage my career.
Sometimes I think men are born selfish, when they're stepping the career ladder, they praise and praise and kipas and when they gain power, they will twist you around their fingers and play with you like you're some kinda puppet dolls. If you dance well, they'll keep you for the next show, if your wooden legs are broken, you're just tossed aside like a piece of rag.
I am sick and tired of all this. But then again, I still have my final choice: TO WALK OUT AND LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND.
Sometimes I think men are born selfish, when they're stepping the career ladder, they praise and praise and kipas and when they gain power, they will twist you around their fingers and play with you like you're some kinda puppet dolls. If you dance well, they'll keep you for the next show, if your wooden legs are broken, you're just tossed aside like a piece of rag.
I am sick and tired of all this. But then again, I still have my final choice: TO WALK OUT AND LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND.
"When everything seems to be going against you,
remember that the airplane takes off against the wind,
not with it." Henry Ford
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Friday, January 28, 2005
Do you believe in supernaturals like ghosts?
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Do you believe in Ghosts?
The topic of ghosts will surely arouse interests. To encounter supernatural stuffs like ghosts, djinns, UFOs, poltergeists or even weird sounds at night will surely bring out goosebumps. The funny thing is a lot of people enjoy being frightened. This includes me being the horror flicks addict even if the story line sucks. It's the excitement you get not from how the movie goes but from what ghostly apparitions they feature. English movies like The Sixth Sense, Exorcist, Poltergeist and even 13teen ghost are sure scary to me. You got absorbed on the producer's idea that ghosts can hurt you or even kill you. Not to mention the Japs, Chinese, Thais and Koreans like Ju-On, The Eye, Tale of Two Sisters, The Sisters, Krasu, the lists goes on. Most of the time I got lost during the movies (due to bad subtitles or the complicated storyline), but still I will be glued to the sofa until the end.
Talking about real life experience, I think I have encountered them once. Or did I? Hmm I can really quite understand what happened though. It was real but seemed unreal at the same time probably because it happened in the month of Ramadhan.
I had never stayed in a boarding school before, but when I got accepted to MRSM Muar in 1993 after the SRP (orang lama beb, skang dah PMR) results, I was excited because it will be a totally new experience for me. We were placed in a new two-storey brick hostel (the old ones look more like rumah panjang and were made of papan), I was ecstatic since I will be getting a brand new room and 3 other my roomates Azie, Lily and Malis were really nice. New buildings, as usual, will have the electricity problem. We didn't have electricity for about 2 months. One night I was lepaking in the room with my roomates. My room faced the small hutan. I was sitting on the bed facing the door while these 2 friends of mine Azie & Marina were facing the hutan. We were chatting away when suddenly they had this weird look on their face and one girl said to another "Kau nampak tak apa yang aku nampak?" and the other just nodded her head and they started screaming. I jumped out of the bed, ran to mine and covered myself under the sheets. I didn't see anything though, I didn't even know why I got so scared. So, one of my friend, Marina yang mulut dia takde insurans just said to me "Eh, kau jangan takut sangat, nanti kau kena." Memang sah mulut dia masin tahap maksima, because something did happened to me that night.But before that, I asked them "Apa yang korang nampak, aa?" (dengan muka yang cuak still hiding under the sheets ala kura-kura). Marina said she saw a light macam lampu torchlight lalu straight across at my window macam ada orang suluh bilik. Dia kata she can see the lampu clearly macam orang tu suluh direct kat bilik. The scary thing is my room is on 2nd floor! Who can be that tall to suluh lampu torchlight direct macam tu? We end our chatting session there and then and decided to go to bed. I woke up with a sudden urgency to go to toilet, so I jenguk outside the room and looked at the toilet door which was 2 doors away. I saw candle lights flickering and I thought " Oh! ada orang basuh baju dalam bilik air". So, I just put on my selipar and enter the toilet. The toilets at the hostel is like normal hostels whereby the first part will be the rows of shower room, in front of it is a long stretch of the tempat membasuh, behind that would be the sinks and then only the toilets. Being the scared but curious cat I am, I turn to look at the persons yang tengah membasuh. What I saw wasn't frightening because at the end of the tempat membasuh dalam kesamaran cahaya lilin was 2 of my friends next door yang sedang tunduk membasuh something. Both were wearing baju kurung, funny thing. At the same time, I heard water splashing from the end sink. I just got into the toilet and heard a very familiar friends' voice calling me "Ila, ila" but maybe because I was too sleepy or maybe GOD didn't want me to answer, I just buat derk jer. Opened the door and headed straight back to my room. I can hear footsteps following behind me, 2 girls entered the room next to me while the other one on the other next. (Luckily none were my roomates!). I looked at my alarm clock, it was 12 midnight. I made at mental note to ask the girls the next morning, why they were doing their washing late at night (lights out is at 11pm, no activities were to be done after that). So, I asked them the next morning,
Me: Eh, apasal you all basuh baju kul 12?
Ayu: Ngigau ke Ila, mana we all ada basuh baju malam semalam? Kitorang dah tidor kul 10
Me: Huh?.....Jangan la tipu, I nampak u all semalam, U, Diana ngan Farah.
Ayu: Takkan la I nak tipu kot, tak caya tanya la diorang. We all tidor sebelum lights out lagi.
None of them mengaku diorang basuh baju malam tu..errkk..alamak aiiii...pastu semua tidur pakai shirts and track bottom, takde yang pakai baju kurung. At that point, I rasa my face was white like sheets. Besides, these girls weren't with us last night when that torchlight event happened. So, tak boleh la kata dey all nak kenakan I. I pun boleh tak perasan, the candles in the toilet were still flickering even when the paip water was gushing down. Tak padam pun. Ermm... mungkin itu satu dugaan Tuhan. I wouldn't have gone into the toilet if I knew something was not right. But i was grateful than when one of the 'thing' called me while I was in the toilet, I didn't answer.Somehow I felt protected.
There were many ghost encounters in MRSM Muar. Too many nights, we slept cantumkan tiga katil sekali, tak turun prep malam atas arahan dari cikgu, hearing weird noises in the night, knocking on the windows, seeing supernatural stuffs and of course the infamous histeria. These strange happenings seemed to take its peak masa nak dekat SPM. Maybe because all of the students were stressed out and they started to see things.
To me, it was a scary experience but meaningful. Made me realise sememangnya ada makhluk halus (tapi boleh dilihat dengan mata kasar, when they want us to see), so kita kena la jugak jaga mulut and perbuatan kita. I wish I can take the Entiti Bukti team with me that night..haha..so they can film the whole thing. Tapi makhluk nie pun takkan keluar bila ada orang nak filemkan diorang ye tak? I will share other experiences if anyone's interested. Just drop a few comments.
P/S: I am diverting the topic from my daily routine life just to share something out of the norms. Missing my wonderful years in MRSM Muar...life is so much simpler when u are a student..Just think about studies..studies..studies...
Talking about real life experience, I think I have encountered them once. Or did I? Hmm I can really quite understand what happened though. It was real but seemed unreal at the same time probably because it happened in the month of Ramadhan.
I had never stayed in a boarding school before, but when I got accepted to MRSM Muar in 1993 after the SRP (orang lama beb, skang dah PMR) results, I was excited because it will be a totally new experience for me. We were placed in a new two-storey brick hostel (the old ones look more like rumah panjang and were made of papan), I was ecstatic since I will be getting a brand new room and 3 other my roomates Azie, Lily and Malis were really nice. New buildings, as usual, will have the electricity problem. We didn't have electricity for about 2 months. One night I was lepaking in the room with my roomates. My room faced the small hutan. I was sitting on the bed facing the door while these 2 friends of mine Azie & Marina were facing the hutan. We were chatting away when suddenly they had this weird look on their face and one girl said to another "Kau nampak tak apa yang aku nampak?" and the other just nodded her head and they started screaming. I jumped out of the bed, ran to mine and covered myself under the sheets. I didn't see anything though, I didn't even know why I got so scared. So, one of my friend, Marina yang mulut dia takde insurans just said to me "Eh, kau jangan takut sangat, nanti kau kena." Memang sah mulut dia masin tahap maksima, because something did happened to me that night.But before that, I asked them "Apa yang korang nampak, aa?" (dengan muka yang cuak still hiding under the sheets ala kura-kura). Marina said she saw a light macam lampu torchlight lalu straight across at my window macam ada orang suluh bilik. Dia kata she can see the lampu clearly macam orang tu suluh direct kat bilik. The scary thing is my room is on 2nd floor! Who can be that tall to suluh lampu torchlight direct macam tu? We end our chatting session there and then and decided to go to bed. I woke up with a sudden urgency to go to toilet, so I jenguk outside the room and looked at the toilet door which was 2 doors away. I saw candle lights flickering and I thought " Oh! ada orang basuh baju dalam bilik air". So, I just put on my selipar and enter the toilet. The toilets at the hostel is like normal hostels whereby the first part will be the rows of shower room, in front of it is a long stretch of the tempat membasuh, behind that would be the sinks and then only the toilets. Being the scared but curious cat I am, I turn to look at the persons yang tengah membasuh. What I saw wasn't frightening because at the end of the tempat membasuh dalam kesamaran cahaya lilin was 2 of my friends next door yang sedang tunduk membasuh something. Both were wearing baju kurung, funny thing. At the same time, I heard water splashing from the end sink. I just got into the toilet and heard a very familiar friends' voice calling me "Ila, ila" but maybe because I was too sleepy or maybe GOD didn't want me to answer, I just buat derk jer. Opened the door and headed straight back to my room. I can hear footsteps following behind me, 2 girls entered the room next to me while the other one on the other next. (Luckily none were my roomates!). I looked at my alarm clock, it was 12 midnight. I made at mental note to ask the girls the next morning, why they were doing their washing late at night (lights out is at 11pm, no activities were to be done after that). So, I asked them the next morning,
Me: Eh, apasal you all basuh baju kul 12?
Ayu: Ngigau ke Ila, mana we all ada basuh baju malam semalam? Kitorang dah tidor kul 10
Me: Huh?.....Jangan la tipu, I nampak u all semalam, U, Diana ngan Farah.
Ayu: Takkan la I nak tipu kot, tak caya tanya la diorang. We all tidor sebelum lights out lagi.
None of them mengaku diorang basuh baju malam tu..errkk..alamak aiiii...pastu semua tidur pakai shirts and track bottom, takde yang pakai baju kurung. At that point, I rasa my face was white like sheets. Besides, these girls weren't with us last night when that torchlight event happened. So, tak boleh la kata dey all nak kenakan I. I pun boleh tak perasan, the candles in the toilet were still flickering even when the paip water was gushing down. Tak padam pun. Ermm... mungkin itu satu dugaan Tuhan. I wouldn't have gone into the toilet if I knew something was not right. But i was grateful than when one of the 'thing' called me while I was in the toilet, I didn't answer.Somehow I felt protected.
There were many ghost encounters in MRSM Muar. Too many nights, we slept cantumkan tiga katil sekali, tak turun prep malam atas arahan dari cikgu, hearing weird noises in the night, knocking on the windows, seeing supernatural stuffs and of course the infamous histeria. These strange happenings seemed to take its peak masa nak dekat SPM. Maybe because all of the students were stressed out and they started to see things.
To me, it was a scary experience but meaningful. Made me realise sememangnya ada makhluk halus (tapi boleh dilihat dengan mata kasar, when they want us to see), so kita kena la jugak jaga mulut and perbuatan kita. I wish I can take the Entiti Bukti team with me that night..haha..so they can film the whole thing. Tapi makhluk nie pun takkan keluar bila ada orang nak filemkan diorang ye tak? I will share other experiences if anyone's interested. Just drop a few comments.
P/S: I am diverting the topic from my daily routine life just to share something out of the norms. Missing my wonderful years in MRSM Muar...life is so much simpler when u are a student..Just think about studies..studies..studies...
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Thursday, January 27, 2005
Childhood is mystery walking hand-in-hand with vision. Growing up is learning never to let the mystery go.
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Life
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Where Is My Motivation?
I find it so hard to get up in the morning to go to work. I feel like I have no motivation to go to work. To me it will be another boring session of sitting down and staring at the PC. I've been feeling this way for the past 1 year actually. What is demotivating me? Could it be the work, the environment or the company itself? I feel time moves very slow while in the office. Maybe because I've been here for 5 years already and I need to move on to some other company. Things are really wearing me down here. I need to get that motivation, that kick to start-off my day. Tried to go to bed early but still all I did was just waking up early, still no difference on my excitement level to go to work whatsoever. While there in the office, time seems to go on very very slow. *sigh. It's only8.30am...and I can't wait to go home already. Well, I just have to bear another 8 hours more.
Time Will Continue To Tick By
"Lost yesterday,
somewhere between sunrise and sunset,
two golden hours,
each set with 60 diamond minutes.
No reward is offered,
for they are gone forever."
Horace Mann
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Monday, January 24, 2005
Back From Raya Haji
Tody I returned to office from Raya Haji leave. We celebrated Raya Haji in Segamat, Aqus' kampung. Eventhough his parents stay in Melaka, we normally go back to his mak tok's house in Segamat for festive celebrations. I had an enjoyable time especially playing with his cute small cousins. Terasa macam celebrity pulak balik kena serbu, all were anxiously waiting for our arrival (which was quite late, we arrived on Thursday nite around 11pm). We bought Chocolate Fudge cake from Secret Recipe before heading back to celebrate Aqus birthday along with Raya Haji feast. Pagi raya I had ketupat, lodeh, rendang ayam, rendang daging, kuah kacang, kurma ayam and of course the cake ..nyum nyum. Minum air sirap maktok buat, sedapnya...
*sigh I really need to go on a diet, baju semua dah tak muat..ahahah.
The next day, all 20 of us went to Aqus' late grandpa orchard where we had some BBQing and just lepak together. We had lunch and the boys tried some fishing. No catch though. Better luck next time, boys.
One thing i love about Segamat is the small town. Practically, you can find almost everything here from textiles, watches, sunglasses, spectacles, shoes, books and barangan dapur. The prices are considerably cheap and you can find everything within 1 km radius, so you can just walk around the town.
I felt extremely calm and relaxed being in kampung surrounded by shades of green trees. For a moment, gone were the stress of city living. Eventhough kampung living has not been spared from modernisation, the calm living is still visible. Bangun pagi, mandi sejuknya, terus celik mata, walaupun bukan lagi air perigi. Dengar ayam berkokok tanda hari nak Subuh, sitiing down under tree shades while watching the boys fishing, jolok buah rambutan pakai galah panjang, everything seems to have a melodramatic touch. Time seems to slow down and no more hustle bustle, hectic life.
Born and raised in Petaling Jaya, I haven't been in kampung much, since my late grandma (other grandparents have long demised before I was born) stayed with us. So, this once in a while opportunity is really precious. No wonder ayah Aqus enjoys being in Segamat and can't wait to be transferred once the LHDN office opens there.
Perhaps I shud just quit my job and find another in a more kampung area. Somehow life is more fulfilling and meaningful to me. But then, change is not easy when you are already in your comfort zone. Should i step out of it?
MY COMFORT ZONE
I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn't fail
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail
I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor
I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much
I said I didn't care for things like promotions and such
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.
I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.
If you're in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!
*sigh I really need to go on a diet, baju semua dah tak muat..ahahah.
The next day, all 20 of us went to Aqus' late grandpa orchard where we had some BBQing and just lepak together. We had lunch and the boys tried some fishing. No catch though. Better luck next time, boys.
One thing i love about Segamat is the small town. Practically, you can find almost everything here from textiles, watches, sunglasses, spectacles, shoes, books and barangan dapur. The prices are considerably cheap and you can find everything within 1 km radius, so you can just walk around the town.
I felt extremely calm and relaxed being in kampung surrounded by shades of green trees. For a moment, gone were the stress of city living. Eventhough kampung living has not been spared from modernisation, the calm living is still visible. Bangun pagi, mandi sejuknya, terus celik mata, walaupun bukan lagi air perigi. Dengar ayam berkokok tanda hari nak Subuh, sitiing down under tree shades while watching the boys fishing, jolok buah rambutan pakai galah panjang, everything seems to have a melodramatic touch. Time seems to slow down and no more hustle bustle, hectic life.
Born and raised in Petaling Jaya, I haven't been in kampung much, since my late grandma (other grandparents have long demised before I was born) stayed with us. So, this once in a while opportunity is really precious. No wonder ayah Aqus enjoys being in Segamat and can't wait to be transferred once the LHDN office opens there.
Perhaps I shud just quit my job and find another in a more kampung area. Somehow life is more fulfilling and meaningful to me. But then, change is not easy when you are already in your comfort zone. Should i step out of it?
MY COMFORT ZONE
I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn't fail
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail
I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor
I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much
I said I didn't care for things like promotions and such
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.
I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.
If you're in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
A Drawing of Azaleas
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A Painting of Azaleas By Ron WIlson
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Real Azaleas In Action
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Happy Birthday To Ayang- 21st Jan
I ordered some chocolates and flowers from Noel to be sent to my beloved hubby. He was suprised to received it today. Maklumlah, tak pernah dapat delivery...Although his birthday is 2 days away, I had to send the gifts earlier since Friday is Hari Raya Haji and tomorrow we are already on leave. So, tak suprise la nak hantar ke rumah kan..And besides Taman Pinggiran Putra , is a no-delivery area (This includes pizza, flowers, and even McD since the new outlet has opened in Equine..McD kat Serdang tak nak hantar dah) Pemalas punya orang..McD depan mata pun, still call for delivery ha ha ha.
Happy 26th Birthday Dear Ayang & Many Happy Returns of The Day. May Allah blessed our lives together hingga ke akhir hayat and InsyaALLAH with beautiful children to come. We just have to keep on trying and hoping..lepas usaha tu tawakal lah.
Anyway the delivery is the 1st part of your birthday present..the second part? Jeng jeng jeng.....
Happy 26th Birthday Dear Ayang & Many Happy Returns of The Day. May Allah blessed our lives together hingga ke akhir hayat and InsyaALLAH with beautiful children to come. We just have to keep on trying and hoping..lepas usaha tu tawakal lah.
Anyway the delivery is the 1st part of your birthday present..the second part? Jeng jeng jeng.....
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Azalea? Why Azalea?
I have been asked why I like to use Azalea as a nickname. Well, part of it is because I like the name so much and ada sipi-sipi ngan my name, Azila (ok what.. Azalea and Azila). Most women love roses but to me Azalea is a special flower. Azaleas are symbols of First Love (how nice...my husband is my first love), Romance, Fragile Passion, Temperance as well as Take Care Of Yourself For Me (senang what..the fella can take care of themselves). It is also the Chinese Symbol for Womanhood.
Azalea is a species of the genus Rhododendron, North American and Asian shrubs of the family Ericaceae (evergreen shrubs) that are distinguished by the usually deciduous leaves. Azaleas are handsome shrubs with large clusters of pink, red, orange, yellow, purple, or white flowers.
Wanna see how they look like? Jeng ..Jeng..Jeng...
Azalea is a species of the genus Rhododendron, North American and Asian shrubs of the family Ericaceae (evergreen shrubs) that are distinguished by the usually deciduous leaves. Azaleas are handsome shrubs with large clusters of pink, red, orange, yellow, purple, or white flowers.
Wanna see how they look like? Jeng ..Jeng..Jeng...
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Finally I'm Doing This
Hello everyone, guess I should welcome you to my blog space.I'm kinda latecomer with this blog thingy although I've been fascinated by all the blogs I've been reading . Maybe I was searching for the right time to actually focus on this.
Frankly, I have no idea on what to write for my early entry. Just that I hope by writing and sharing, I can express my feelings and let it all out in one way or another.
Most of my colleagues have already gone for Hari Raya Qurban leave. Selamat Hari Raya Qurban everybody, semoga apa yang kita perjuangkan , pengorbanan dan kesabaran kita akan lebih bermakna. Sesungguhnya hanya Tuhan yang mengetahui Segala-galanya.
Frankly, I have no idea on what to write for my early entry. Just that I hope by writing and sharing, I can express my feelings and let it all out in one way or another.
Most of my colleagues have already gone for Hari Raya Qurban leave. Selamat Hari Raya Qurban everybody, semoga apa yang kita perjuangkan , pengorbanan dan kesabaran kita akan lebih bermakna. Sesungguhnya hanya Tuhan yang mengetahui Segala-galanya.
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Me On A Bad Day
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Yours Truly
- I'm AzaLea
- From Cyberjaya, Malaysia
- Easy Going. Rebel In Silence. Observant. Overcritize. High Aspirations & Dreams. Love Children. Have Just Given Birth To A Beautiful Baby Boy.Love To Have Everyone Around.Love To Be Around Everybody Else.Outgoing. Talkative.
Quite Some Time Ago
- 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
- 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
- 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
- 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
- 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
- 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
- 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
- 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
- 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
- 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
- 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
- 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
- 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
- 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
- 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
- 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
- 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
- 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
- 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
- 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
DaiLy BloG DoSe
- Sis Sue
- Nadya
- Selina
- CakCiBo
- InDaH's UmMi
- UAO
- AlOng
- AaPiTz
- FaRaH D
- MaMa RiDhWaN
- MaMa SyAhMi
- MaMa SyaSya
- MaMa AleeYa
- AyU
- IsRaF
- IqWaN
- MaiZ MaLiK
- ThE ViSiToR
- AzRiN
- UncLE BuStaManN
- MoKcIk NaB
- EliSa
- TuliS Je
- Tg SheRiL
- JeFF oOi
- SuLtaN MuZaFfAr
- KaNoT
- UnFoRsEeAbLe
- ReDhA
- FoO
- SuPeRmAn
- MaR
- Shah
- AFdLiN
- ThE WiTcH
- FaZaMaNia
- iLiaHuS
- iBu SaYanG
- RoUgH
- ZeLLiNa
- AlWaYs SaYaNG
- SeMpOii
- SeeKeRs
- SteLLa
- YoeAnna
- HerBaLiFe
- IyaAd's FoToPage
- TickerFacTorY
- I'm Adding More Soon....
- cRrAzEeE SALESS....
